Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
