so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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