I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
