I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
