I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
