..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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