oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
