the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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