We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize