Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
