mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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