if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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