I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
