Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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