the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
