She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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