Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
