weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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