Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
