I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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