You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize