This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
