We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
