Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
