Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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