Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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