i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
