Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
