At least make sure they are 18
Why
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
