I can't breathe out the right side of my face
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
