I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
