smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
