i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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