i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
