Screwed.edu
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
