You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
