so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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