Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
