I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
