They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
