Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The uberlube is also flammable
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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