Sry I called you an 8
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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