just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
