Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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