she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
