Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
