I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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