Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
