What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
