Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
being pregnant is like rehab
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
