What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
