I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize