We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
