I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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