Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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