It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
