I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
