Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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