Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you win again, gameday.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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