God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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