Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize