I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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