me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
