So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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