maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
