Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize